Ms. Nice Guy:

"Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"

• Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, main squeeze, doormat
• Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
• Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller:

"You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable?!"

• Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
• Advantages: Pays attention to you
• Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly:

"Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"

• Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
• Advantages: Predictable
• Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser:

"Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

• Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom
• Advantages: Often right
• Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied:

"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"

• Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey
• Advantages: Easily soothed
• Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control:

"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."

• Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
• Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
• Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy:

"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"

• Also known as: No fun, humorless pig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly
• Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
• Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars:

"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"

• Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
• Artistic Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
• Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl:

"I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"

• Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
• Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
• Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you