NEW YORK (AP) - Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Seasame Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppet's are known to be dead: including Bert - long time friend, room-mate and occasional lover of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly holding Maria hostage in a five floor tenement near Hoopers store. New York city SWAT teams have surrounded the building.

NEW YORK (AP) - Big Bird, Seasame Street muppet, is reported dead at this hour after a 1.5 hour hostage stand-off with New York police. Kermit the Frog, Seasame Street muppet on the scene, reports that as police stormed the five story tenement where the bird was holding Maria, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at them in a Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought the bird down in a hail of automatic weapons fire.

NEW YORK (AP) - The professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet chemists, have reportedly found angel dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird was killed by police early this morning after the bird went on a killing spree on Seasame Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal has survived unharmed. Three muppets were killed by the bird: Prarie Dawn (a friendly, pigtailed muppet girl-child), Oscar the Grouch (a green garbage-dwelling grumpy muppet) and Bert (the famous paper clip collector and pigeon friend). Authorities say that the bad seed was purchased the local Hooper's.

NEW YORK (AP) - Police are asking motorists to stay away from Seasame Street today as tensions are running high among the muppets. Many reportedly are outraged at the tainted food supply and at how the police handled the situation. According to bystanders on the scene at the time, Mr Snuffalapagus pleaded the police to be allowed to talk Big Bird. Instead the police stormed the building with deadly results.

NEW YORK (AP) - Violence erupted again today on Seasame Street as thousands of humans driving home enraged muppets. In at least one case, ten muppets pulled a motorist from his car and beat him with large styrofoam letters.

NEW YORK (AP) - Police and fire units have been called to Seasame Street. Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry muppets ranging in size from only inches to seven feet in height are looting Hooper's store and firebombing the entire neighbourhood. Orange and blue firelight is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops and storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to the ground. Muppets are taunting fireman and police from windowsills above the street with counting and alphabet songs.

NEW YORK (AP) - Morning light has brought an eerie calm to Seasame Street after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most buildings. On the street, lifeless crumpled fur lies in mute testament of the night of wild outrage. Unknown numbers of muppets have died or been shot to death by police in full riot gear. The Count was reported running down the street crying and yelling "Ten, Ten lifeless Muppet bodies". No humans were hurt in the rioting although several people reported rug burns.

NEW YORK (AP) - Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a mass muppet funeral. The following is a complete transcript of his address: "I come here today to honour a man I loved.. A man who was loved by millions around the world. Bert was a giant among muppets. His paper clip collection was viewed with awe by many of the world's leaders. Just one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on Seasame Street for the muppet vote, it was Bert who told us all 'anyone who can hang as many paperclips together as Bill Clinton, can certainly run the country.' I also came here today to honour Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature. His large size and colour alarmed many who first met him, but it was his innocent and curious nature which taught us all to love him. Bird wouldn't have wanted us to remember him or memorialize him with violence. All he ever wanted was for all creatures to 'just get along' with each other. Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but it -wasn't his fault. It was just some bad seed.