| Redneck Letter To Son
Dear Son,
Im writing this letter slow because I know you cant read fast.
We dont live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to
send you the address because the last Arkansas Family that lived here took the house
numbers when they moved so that they wouldnt have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. Im not sure it works so
well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and havent seen them
since.
The weather isnt bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for
three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you,
your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so
we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him
two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning; but I havent found out what it is yet so I
dont know if youre an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your
brother...
Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he
fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He
rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They
drowned because they couldnt get the tailgate down.
There isnt much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
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