Adenosine
A painted notice, often accompanied by a descriptive arrow, denoting the location of a hospital's Adeno department.

Angioplasty
A type of modelling clay used in primary schools.

Atropine
A tall, evergreen coniferous tree, found growing exclusively on the densely-wooded slopes of rural Atro, near Bulgaria.

Blood Culture
The Aztecs. Or possibly the Mayans.

Blood Gases
If blood is heated above a naked flame, evil-smelling vapours will issue from it. These are blood gases, and are the reason why blood should not be heated above a naked flame.

Cardiac Enzymes
A large, slightly outdated American car, rather like the Cardiac Eldorado but with longer fins and more chrome.

Cath Lab
A young and rather pretty medical student who appeared in episode four of ER. Cath was only on-screen for a few seconds, but her performance is justifiably regarded as one of the first season's highest points.

CAT Scan
The practice of making sure that there are no cats in an operating theatre before the patient is brought in. Came into widespread use after the awful 'Tiddles' incident of 1992.

CBC
Colchester Broadcasting Company, a small pirate television station operating in East Anglia. Famed for their all-night 'Bewitched' marathons and an ongoing campaign against the use of electricity.

Chem 7
In 1983, seven men from the village of Chem in South Yorkshire were convicted and jailed for wearing Bri-Nylon shirts with intent to cause breach of the peace, and driving without a motor vehicle. When it was later alleged that the perpetrator of the above crimes was in fact Mrs. Edna Spoke of Wiltshire, a campaign to save these men from a miscarriage of justice was instigated. They have since become known as the 'Chem 7'.

Chest Film
An extremely soft-core porno movie that only shows naked young ladies from the waist up.

COAG Panel
The comedy guests that appear each week on the popular game show 'Chew On A Grape."

Crash Cart
A form of road traffic accident most often encountered in Third World countries and amusing films about Dick Turpin and the Scarlet Pimpernel.

Crit
An abreviated and rather unpleasant term for an inhabitant of Great Critain.

Dopamine
Where Dopa comes from.

Gastric Lavage
Famous French actor, known for his superb portrayal of illiterate newspaper editor 'Guffy' Gunch Ravelard in the 1953 film 'Donner-moi un jeteur de flamme'.

General Anasthetic
A kind of anasthetic used exclusively in the upper echelons of the Armed Forces.

Hypertension
A state of nervousness doctors get into while having to deal with excessively active children.

Hypotension
A state of nervousness doctors get into while hunting for a misplaced syringe.

ICU
The end of a game of 'Hide and Seek'.

Injection
The feature in the engine of a rich doctor's car that makes it go faster than anyone else's.

IV
The lady who serves tea in the hospital canteen.

IV Push
Hospitals are often short-staffed. Sometimes, when a patient in a wheelchair needs to be moved from one area of the hospital to another, the lady who usually serves tea in the canteen has to do it.

Large-Bore IV
That lady in the canteen just won't stop talking about her weight problem...

LOC
Second name of the popular rap artist who released 'Wild Thing' and 'Funky Cold Medina'.

Local Anasthetic
The kind of anasthetic given to people who live in the neighborhood.

Monitor
The family of lizards which includes the Komodo dragon.

Mount Sinai
A large rocky protuberance between the Red Sea and the Gulf of Aqaba, where Moses received the tablets bearing the Ten Commandments.

Normal Saline
What you are doing when the sea is calm, the wind in the right direction, your boat has no leaks and you are on exactly the right course and heading.
Sometimes referred to as 'Plain Saline'.

Path Lab
Cath Lab's elder brother. Regrettably, his contribution to ER ended up on the cutting-room floor.

Platelets
What hospital food is served on.

Sinus Rhythm
A form of popular music that mixes the percussive beat of late-sixties and early-seventies funk with the ancient sound of the Siberian Nose-Flute.

Tension Pneumo
A particularly painful medical complaint found mostly among middle-aged men, caused by the victim's pneumos being constantly under tension. A simple incision will normally release the tension and relieve the symptoms.

Throat Swab
A derogatory term for a seaman, used almost exclusively by vicious pirate captains.

Tox Screen
A fine nylon mesh, usually in a wooden or plastic frame, which is fixed over open doors in summer. The purpose of the Tox Screen is to prevent Toxes coming into your house, buzzing around when you are trying to sleep, and laying eggs in the salad.

TPA
Teacher/Parent Association.

Vein
What good-looking doctors usually are.

White Count
Dracula after a particularly thin night, virgin-wise.