From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, December 12, 1994

1. You've got a pack of Marlboros rolled up in your lab coat sleeve.
2. You never appear in public without a half-empty bottle of Bacardi rum.
3. Morning, noon and night, you can be found wandering around in a hospital gown.
4. Always confusing defibrillator with fry-o-lator.
5. You thought "Chicago Hope" was going to be a hit.
6. Your medical degree is from that correspondence school endorsed by Sally Struthers.
7. Instead of flu vaccine, you recommend so-called "flu-proof socks".
8. You smoke like a chimney and drink like a Kennedy.
9. You spend your entire day doing the very thing you said should be taught in school.
10. Your cure for heart disease: Zima.