1.100,000 Lemmings can't be wrong.
2.I used to be a schizophrenic until they cured me, now I'm just lonely.
3.Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol.
4.Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's sake do it first!
5.Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
6.Just when I was getting use to yesterday along came today
7.A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
8.Live fast, die young. Leave a good looking corpse.
9.Reincarnation is making a comeback!
10.An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
11.In the beginning was the word - and the word was four bytes. (from the bible?)
12.I looked up my wife's family tree. Most of her relatives are still climbing around in it.
13.People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.
14.Dead people are cool.
15.An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
16.If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
17.When faced with to evils, take the one you never tried before.
18.A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
19.Money isn't everything. -It isn't enough!
20.Blow your mind - smoke gunpowder.
21.Always be sincere - Even when you don't mean it.
22.Marijuana is nature's way of saying "high".
23.A bank manager is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain.
24.A friend in need is a pain in the ass.
25.A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.
26.A man is as old as the woman he feels.
27.A phone call costs less than you think. Soon it'll cost more than you believe.
28.A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
29.Absolute zero is cool.
30.Always put the important before the merely urgent.
31.Always yield to temptation - it may never pass your way again.
32.An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
33.Anarchists of the world unite !
34.Anarchy, No rules - OK?
35.Anyone who can see through a woman is missing a lot.
36.Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, ought to have his head examined.
37.Arsonists of the world, ignite!
38.Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
39.Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.
40.Be creative, invent a perversion.
41.Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - (and miss).
42.Death is hereditary.
43.Definition of a prostitute - receiver of swollen goods.
44.Don't Panic. Count to ten ... then Panic!
45.Don't drink water, fish breed in it.
46.Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes.
47.Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
48.God is not dead - he just couldn't find a parking place.
49.Happiness can't buy money.
50.Heredity is the thing a child gets from the other side of the family.
51.I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying.
52.I have a drink problem, I can't afford it.
53.I'm immortal - so far.
54.If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
55.Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
56.Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
57.It is now beyond any doubt that cigarettes are the biggest cause of statistics.
58.Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people and shoot them.
59.Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
60.Laugh, and the world laughs with you. - Snore and you sleep alone.
61.Laugh, and the world thinks you are an idiot.
62.Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
63.Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
64.Lord give me patience......But Hurry!
65.Love is blind. And when you get married you get your eyesight back.
66.Make love, not war; get married and do both!
67.Money can't buy friends but it can buy a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan.
68.Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them, and Psychiatrists charge them rent.
69.Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
70.No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
71.Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
72.Save trees, eat more beavers.
73.Say it with flowers - give her a triffid.
74.Smile - things may get worse more slowly.
75.Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
76.Study art and logic - learn to draw your own conclusions.
77.Sudden prayers make God jump.
78.The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
79.The reason that people here get lost in thought is because it's such unfamiliar territory.
80.The road to success is usually under construction.
81.The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
82.We are the people our parents warned us about.
83.Wars are not fought to decide who is right - only who is left.
84.To err is human - To really foul things up requires computers.
85.When I am right nobody remembers... When I am wrong nobody forgets!
86.If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
87.Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some.